When the Body Feels Absent in Intimacy
Perhaps you have had experiences in intimacy when you realise you are not really feeling. Sensations are dull, or distant. Perhaps it is like you are experiencing the moment outside of yourself, unable to fully land inside your own skin.
The experience leaves you telling yourself you ‘should’ be feeling more, you perhaps wonder if something is ‘wrong’. And perhaps this experience happens a second time, or a third time, or this is your common experience.
So your presence becomes inauthentic and performative, perhaps it leads to even deep detachment or overriding of your body.
Simply put, this is a pattern. A learned state of being or a learned response in order to keep you safe. And it can be shifted.
This is the work of Devotional Tantric Bodywork—to meet the body where it is at and, through slowness, presence, devotion, and deep listening, reawakening its natural capacity for sensation.
Why Does Numbness Happen?
Numbness is not the absence of feeling—it is the presence of something unprocessed.
The body does not simply forget how to feel; it chooses not to because at some point, feeling became too much or didn’t feel safe.
To return to sensation, we must first understand what causes feeling to become blocked:
1. Your Nervous System Protects You From Overwhelm
If your body has learned that feeling deeply is unsafe, it will shut sensation down before you are even aware of it happening.
This happens when:
- You have been touched without consent
- You have engaged in intimacy before you were fully ready
- You have learned to prioritise another’s pleasure over your own
In these moments, the body remembers. And until it learns that it is safe to open again, it will remain closed.
2. Intimacy Has Become a Performance
For many, the experience of physical and sexual intimacy has become something to achieve rather than experience.
We are taught to focus on:
- How we look rather than how we feel
- Whether we are doing it “right” rather than whether it is nourishing
- Making sure the other person is satisfied before considering ourselves
This conditions the body to disconnect from its own experience. If you have spent years performing rather than feeling it, it is natural that sensation feels distant.
3. Unprocessed and Unmetabolised Tension Lives in the Body
Every unspoken emotion, suppressed need and denied boundary – lives in the body.
Over time, this creates layers of numbness, tightness, and contraction.
If the body is holding onto or not yet metaboliosed something, there is little space left for pleasure.
4. Trauma Responses and Protective Mechanisms
For many, numbness is directly connected to past trauma. The body’s protective mechanisms – freezing, dissociating, or going numb are intelligent responses that once kept you safe.
These responses can persist long after the original danger has passed, appearing during intimate moments when vulnerability feels threatening to your system.
How to Reconnect With Sensation & Feeling
Returning to the body is not about forcing it to feel more. It is about creating the conditions and providing the resources so feelings can return.
This is not a process of doing more, but undoing.
1. Slow Down & Create Space
Many move too quickly for the body to even register sensation.
Practice:
- Instead of rushing into intimacy, pause. Feel the weight of your body, the warmth of your skin.
- Instead of reaching for sensation, let it come to you. Notice the faintest tingles, the places where the body wants to open but isn’t ready yet.
- Approach your body like you would a hesitant lover – with patience, curiosity, and devotion.
2. Shift from Outcome to Presence
Numbness often arises from the pressure to feel something specific. But the body does not respond to pressure, it responds to permission.
Practice:
- Spend time in non-goal-oriented touch. Instead of trying to “fix” numbness, focus on what is already present, even if it is subtle.
- Experiment with textures, movement, warmth, and breath, letting your body lead instead of your expectations.
- Give yourself permission to feel whatever is present, even if it’s numbness itself.
3. Release Tension
Many attempt to go straight into pleasure based experiences without first releasing the tension stored in the body.
Practice:
- Move before stillness: Shake, sigh, stretch, or exhale deeply
- Let sound come through: A deep hum, a sigh, a soft moan of relief—sound creates space for feeling
- Engage in touch that feels nourishing before it feels arousing
4. Create Safety
The body does not open under pressure. It opens in safety.
Reflection:
- What conditions make me feel safe enough to soften?
- Where have I been overriding my own pace?
- What happens when I stop forcing sensation and let my body lead?
Reconnecting with your body is not an overnight process. For some, moments of breakthrough may come quickly, while for others, particularly those with deeper patterns or trauma, the journey unfolds more gradually.
Small moments of authentic sensation are significant victories. Trust that your body knows the path back to feeling, even when progress feels subtle.
Devotional Tantric Bodywork as an Invitation
Devotional Tantric Bodywork is an invitation not to force sensation, but to create space for it to return.
Through deep presence, intentional touch, and somatic awareness, this practice:
- Releases stored tension & emotional blocks that create numbness
- Repatterns how the body experiences safety, sensation, and pleasure
- Brings the mind and body back into the same experience, rather than operating from fragmentation
This is not about awakening the body through stimulation but about restoring its natural ability to feel through deep listening.
Begin the Process of Reconnection
Numbness is not an absence—it is a presence.
It is something waiting to be met, something waiting to be acknowledged and given space to unfold.
This work is not about pushing through or overriding the body, it is about returning to it, in the way it asks to be met.
If you feel called to explore this work, I offer Devotional Tantric Bodywork sessions designed to meet you exactly where you are.
